Sacrificing Our Children on the Altar of Covid Fear

Sacrificing Our Children on the Altar of Covid Fear 

by Gershon Distenfeld

 

Preamble: I sent an early draft of this OpEd to the Jewish Link of New Jersey last week as I've published there several times before and they indicated a strong interest in publishing it. Over the course of the next few days, I shared the draft with a few people for feedback to sharpen my thinking. One of these people asked if they could share my draft with a Rabbi in the community who had a differing view. I agreed since I always welcome different perspectives and was eager to hear counterpoints. Unfortunately, instead of engaging with me on what I wrote, this Rabbi went straight to the paper and lobbied hard to have my views suppressed. He also apparently shared my draft with other members of the RCBC (Rabbinical Council of Bergen County) and word soon made its way to several Heads of School of Bergen County Yeshivot. In total, my contacts at the paper inform me that at least 8 community leaders (Rabbis, School Principals, School Presidents) contacted the paper urging them not to print my OpEd.

 

Sadly, the pressure was too much for the Link and I was informed by the publisher on Tuesday that they were caving and would not be printing my piece. Cancel culture is alive and well in the Jewish Bergen County community! I obviously believe that the paper made the wrong decision here and am even more disturbed to infer that said leaders deem their position so weak as to not withstand dissent. The editor even offered to allow them to print a rebuttal side by side with my piece and they refused to do so.

 

I feel it is so important that this piece be distributed far and wide. What is going on in the name of "protecting our children" is in reality doing immense damage to them and our leaders don't want it brought to light. Even if you don't agree with all the points I make, please forward this far and wide. Post it on all of your social media platforms. The only way things will change is if people put pressure on our leadership to change course. For the sake of our children, we must press this issue! Thank you. Also please feel free to comment below. I will do my best to address any questions.

 

 

I've been thinking about writing this for weeks and have decided that now is the most pressing time to publish my thoughts. I pen these words on the night before Yom Kippur, as cases of Covid-19 have once again started to spike in our community. While we have yet to see an uptick in hospitalizations, when looking across the river at what's going on in NYC, it would be logical to conclude that the probability of that occurring here too in the coming days and weeks is high.

 

Thus, it might seem odd that I'm going to address this issue now, at a time when our community is on edge, fearful, and with many in quarantine. However, it is precisely at this point, when our natural instinct is going to be to double down on restrictions, that we have to not only resist that urge when it comes to our children, but we have to actually loosen the shackles we have put on them to let them live as close to their normal lives as possible.

 

I want to state at the outset that Covid-19 is very serious. It has taken the lives of many, caused serious illness, economic hardship and a host of other maladies. It is still with us and will likely remain in our midst for a very long time. But we also must be honest about the science and the facts. This disease discriminates in a big way. We don't necessarily understand why, but the virus appears to be relatively harmless to our youth.

 

Hashem has sent mankind many plagues in the course of history. While each had its own idiosyncrasies, it's hard to find one that didn't impact children. The Black Death of the 14th century claimed the lives of tens of millions of children worldwide. The Spanish Flu of the early 20th century resulted in the tragic death of a few million adolescents and tens of millions of men & women aged 20-40. Interestingly, the elderly were largely spared.

 

Covid-19 by contrast has seen virtually no child fatalities worldwide and a miniscule amount of serious illness. Just last week, the CDC released numbers showing that Covid is far less harmful to children than the seasonal flu. Hashem in his infinite kindness, has sent us a plague that is virtually harmless to our youth. Again, we should not for a moment downplay the seriousness of this virus to our elderly and vulnerable populations but we should be in awe of the fact that for the first time in recorded history, we have a "plague" in our midst from which children have largely been spared.

 

Yet, we have taken that very gift that Hashem has given us - and although well-meaning in our efforts - we are the ones "killing" the kids. We are uprooting their lives for absolutely no reason. For something that isn't a significant threat to them. We are damaging their emotional, psychological and educational well-being in the here and now. And the longer we operate in this fashion, the greater the impact will be longer-term. This Yom Kippur so many of our teffilot will be regarding Covid as we plea for an end to the suffering. But Yom Kippur does not atone for sins between man and man and what we have been doing to our children is almost entirely self-inflicted.

 

To be clear, I don't assign any nefarious motives to any of the players here. The Rabbis, educators, doctors, lay leaders, etc all want what's best for our children. But good intentions are not enough. History is filled with examples of well-intentioned leadership making tragic mistakes. I believe that we are in the midst of one currently and it is imperative that we reverse course without delay.

 

Let's begin by discussing the culture of fear we've created in many of our schools. Select teachers and administrators have become “Covid police”. Kids get yelled at if their mask slips off their nose. Children are told that they must sit at their desk quietly while they eat their lunch because it's too dangerous to talk without a mask. Adolescents report they are afraid to go to school because they get barked at about slight social distancing violations. Children are sent home for a runny nose being told they are a danger to everyone else. Students are told that if they don't follow all the rules, they are a "rodef" and then confess to their parents that they are afraid that they will be murderers and Hashem will never forgive them. My personal favorite; a 4 year old girl was sent home for taking too long in the bathroom as she was suspected of having diarrhea. Never mind that the child said that she didn't; she was still required to obtain a PCR test to ensure she wasn’t a public health risk. 

 

Then there are the knock-on effects in the community. Families are told that they can't dine together. Children are told that they can't play together. So is it surprising that people who live alone were disinvited from meals over Rosh Hashana and literally in tears over it? Is it surprising that many children were depressed over Yom Tov, sulking in their rooms having had play dates cancelled by well-meaning parents who were just trying to "follow the rules"? Are these Torah values?

 

Ah, but you say, this is all sad but it's necessary! Our doctors have told us that we need to take these precautions. We need to "err on the side of caution".

 

The problem is not that the doctors are "wrong". They are well-meaning and many believe that it is their responsibility to advise of worst-case scenarios. But it is the responsibility of people in leadership positions (Rabbis, heads of schools, lay leaders) to weigh downside risks against the severe consequences of taking certain actions to address those risks. And this is where our leadership has abdicated their responsibility to make these judgements by letting doctors make the final call. It is a common mistake to assume that expertise renders someone fit to make public policy decisions. The President of the United States is the commander in chief of our armed forces whether or not he has any military experience. The same is true here. Leadership entails soliciting input from various fields, evaluating the pros/cons/tradeoffs of potential options and rendering a decision that produces the best (or sometimes "least of all evils") risk/reward path forward.

 

Our Rabbinic and educational leaders must stop making decisions based on fear and instead confront the facts and assess the overall picture. How many children have died of Covid worldwide? Virtually zero. How many have been hospitalized? Negligible. The ones testing positive in our community are asymptomatic or have minimal symptoms. How about the teachers? Same thing. Most go home and teach their classes on zoom the next day. The odds of a child who is asymptomatic passing on the virus is low even if he/she later tests positive. Not surprisingly, every single legitimate study from around the world has shown that schools are not significant vectors of transmission for this virus.

 

The consequences of our actions are great. Psychologists will testify that anxiety, mood disorders and depression are way up. Alcohol and substance abuse have increased significantly. Mental health professionals are now concerned that the longer this goes on, the greater the longer-term effects will be on our teens' ability to form healthy relationships later in life. And finally, the thing nobody wants to talk about but it doesn't make it any less of a threat. Many now believe that a suicide is likely not a question of if, but when and how soon.

 

The phrase that gets me worked up more than anything is "In an abundance of caution...". First because of what I wrote above, it's not costless. Being cautious has a price. In this case a huge one. We are literally sacrificing our kids for something that poses very little risk to them. But even more basically, we just don't practice this level of extreme caution in any other area of our lives. By the same logic, we should ban driving. Most people arrive safely at their destinations, but over 35,000 Americans die on our roads every year. That's 100 a day. Out of an abundance of caution, let's ban all cars. Or if you don't want to go that far, reduce the speed limit to 35 MPH on highways. Study after study has shown that a reduction in speed limits reduces automobile fatalities.

 

Yes, if we lowered the speed limit to 35 mph, many fewer people would die on our roadways. But at what cost? People certainly would be less likely to travel long distances and would visit friends and relatives who didn't live close by less often. Economic growth would suffer. But by the prevailing logic around Covid, wouldn't that all be worth it to save lives? I hope everyone can see the fallacy in this. As a society, we are constantly balancing the benefits vs the risk of everyday activities. Statistically speaking, your child is more likely to die on the way to school in a car than he/she is to die from Covid. We all have no problem getting in our cars every morning, yet we have turned our kids' lives upside down for Covid. This is irrational fear, not balanced rational thinking.

 

Then there's the blatant hypocrisy in the standards we have set for quarantining our children vs adults. The CDC's guidelines for requiring quarantine are ambiguous and open to much interpretation. Yet for adults, we find leniencies and for children we find stringencies, exactly the opposite of the way it should be given how the virus is exponentially more dangerous to older people!

 

The CDC has set up guidelines for when quarantine is recommended - 15 minutes of "close contact" with someone who has the virus, while recognizing that there is a huge difference between someone who is symptomatic and someone who is asymptomatic. We have set up our schools where everyone in the building is masked, socially distant and Plexiglas is everywhere. Yet, the second someone tests positive, we have often been quarantining entire classes, despite a very remote chance of actual spread. Let's contrast that to the many situations where adults have found to have tested positive in a Shul. No automatic quarantine. Adults have been exposed in supermarkets that are wide open. Again, we don't find ourselves bending over backwards to find ways to restrict adults. It's almost as if our community policies are designed to purposely torture the children. Of course that's not anyone's intention, but for the sake of our children, can we please change course here?

 

The joint medical committee that the schools have set up certainly mean well but they are taking a uniform approach in being "machmir" at the expense of our children. In addition, the evidence for transmission between elementary school aged children to adults is weak and suspect. Anecdotally, physicians report that they have not seen much in the way of transmission from young children to parents. So by what right do we have to tell a whole group of children to quarantine for 14 days based on a single positive case in their cohort? What's the likelihood of transmission to a child at the back of the classroom, behind plexiglass, with the teacher behind plexiglass and everyone being masked? I can guarantee you it's far LESS risky than your average adult taking a trip to their local supermarket which we do all the time! Out of an "abundance of caution" that we don't needlessly quarantine a single child (which mental health experts tell us can cause psychological damage), let us be certain that the evidence is overwhelming that it's a real necessity, a standard that has not been met in the overwhelming majority of cases thus far.

 

And has anyone given any thought as to how we get out of this? What scenarios need to be met for life to go back to normal for our children? Nobody will say. A vaccine? We've had a flu vaccine for decades and 35,000 people on average still die every year from the flu in the US. Besides, I certainly am not letting my children take an unproven vaccine for a virus that poses almost no danger to them! And any rational parent should refuse to do so as well. Comparisons to the measles are inappropriate since measles can harm or even result in the death of a child. Covid on the other hand poses virtually no risk to children. So has any thought been given to the future? Are we going to torture kids like this forever? The seasonal flu is way more dangerous to kids than Covid and we do none of this for the flu. We have now set a standard that will be near impossible to walk back.

 

Covid is here with us to stay. Just like the flu and many diseases before and after it. We can't eliminate all risk. We have always adapted to new illnesses and we must now learn to live with this one. The truth as we are painfully aware is that the virus will continue to spread. Unfortunately, some people will likely continue to get sick from it and there will probably be more fatalities. Just like more people will die from the flu, from cancer, from heart disease and from many other causes. If anyone has a problem with that, please take it up with Hashem.

 

So what am I advocating for? What do we need to do differently? First of all, we need to stop the "one size fits all" approach. We religious Jews should appreciate this more than most. We believe that different groups have different roles and responsibilities in life. Men and women. Kohanim and Yisraelim. And in the case of Covid, children vs the elderly. Is it fair? Absolutely not. Life isn't fair. But the elderly need to be more cautious. They shouldn't be attending indoor minyanim or any large indoor gathering. They should be very cautious before leaving their homes. They should be extra diligent around social distancing and masking and with the advice of their doctors, perhaps taking other precautions.

 

But our children need to live. Our children don't need to suffer just so that everybody can be on a level playing field. Our government and politicians are already imposing overly draconian standards on our children, and we are going way above and beyond what they are requiring. The forced quarantining of our children just has to end. Contrary to what some may believe, in almost all cases, they are not being required by the DOH. Let our children be children. They need to socialize more than anything. Better to not have opened schools in person until after Yom Tov than to restrict our kids from gathering on 14 of the 22 days school is not in session around the Yomim Tovim.

 

We do have teachers in our schools who are considered elderly, medically compromised or who are just outright scared. Despite the evidence that the risk of contracting Covid in schools is quite low, they should be given the option of either taking extra personal precautions while teaching or to teach remotely via zoom. We can not allow those individuals to dictate the entire landscape for our children.

 

There is a certain arrogance to the thinking that us mere mortals can control the spread of this virus. It is classic "kochei v'otzem Yadi". No amount of scaring kids, making them stay apart from their friends, convincing them that pulling down their masks makes them murderers or many of the other crazy things we are putting in their heads will impact the spread of the virus one iota. All it will do is continue to hurt our children. And that is what I am asking - more like pleading - our leadership to put a stop to.

 

Unfortunately, there is the very real possibility that the state will end up closing our schools at some point. This will test our leadership once again. Will we double down and scare our children? Will we prevent them from getting together with friends? Or will we do the rational thing, the path that is supported by actual science? Protect the elderly. Protect the medically compromised. And let our children live. Let them gather together for zoom classes. Let them have birthday parties. Let them socialize on Shabbat.

 

There needs to be an immediate wholesale change in attitude. One that prioritizes the emotional and psychological well-being of our precious children above the virtually non-existent physical threat to them from this virus. If we want to use "an abundance of caution", it shouldn't be for chumrahs on preventing them from catching the virus but on kullahs to prevent further damage to their emotional and social well-being. For example, wouldn't it be great if instead of the "fear" letters we've become accustomed to, the RCBC and/or the Heads of School sent out the following communication over Chol Hamoed: "In an abundance of caution to ensure that our children have true simchas Yom Tov, we are going to create for our children regular Simchat Torah programming. We know that asymptomatic children have very low odds of passing on the virus, so we are recommending that as long as a child/teen is not showing any symptoms of illness, they be allowed to socialize with other children over Yom Tov as per normal".

 

I would be remiss if I didn't address one related issue. The lashon Hara in the community just has to stop. There should be ZERO tolerance for the public shaming of any family that doesn't adhere to the strict subset of rules that some would like to impose on all. Whatsapp groups and Facebook pages are filled with people calling out families by name for having meals with people they feel aren't up to their own personal Covid "chumrahs" or davening in minyanim they don't approve of. Pleas to have others e-mail their schools to ask that certain kids get kicked out of school for violating rules are rampant (and people are actually following through). There's a lot more. It's classic mesirah, it's vile and it's tearing our community apart. Rabbis need to publicly and clearly call out this unacceptable and anti-Torah behavior.

 

Why did I write this? Over the past few weeks I've spoken to numerous Rabbis, educators, doctors, lay leaders and parents. So many people agree with most or all of what I've written here. But they are afraid to speak up. I honestly believe that this "silent majority" is in fact the majority. So why are they silent? There is a very vocal minority who are instilling fear, who are loud and who are very quick to accuse anyone who disagrees with them as being reckless with human life or worse. It's very hard to silence a "mob", especially when most politicians and the media are in lockstep with them. I don't know if I will succeed, but I write this in the hope that it will embolden those in positions of leadership to speak out and to pressure others to do so. Because nothing less than our children's future is at stake here.

 

If we don't change course soon and quickly, history will not judge this time period favorably. It is the natural way of the world that parents will do literally anything for their children. The past is filled with examples of parents and grandparents sacrificing unimaginably for the next generation. And here we see the exact opposite. Fear is reigning supreme and it is causing people who are normally quite clear thinking to go 180 degrees against the teva that Hashem created. It's sad, depressing and my tefiilos this Yom Kippur will be that Hashem grants wisdom to our leadership to open their eyes, see the harm they have inadvertently been causing our children and reverse course as quickly as possible.

 

Gershon Distenfeld resides in Bergenfield, NJ. The opinions expressed herein are his own and not reflective of any organization with which he is associated. The author can be reached at gershon.distenfeld@gmail.com